Tuesday night I was in California.  Josh had been having these terrible migranes for the past three weeks, they hadn't stopped.  He went to the doctor and chiropractor and nothing helped.  So finally he went in tuesday night to the ER in The Dalles.  He called me and was crying sooo much.  "It's not good." he said, the doctors had found a pea-sized tumor in his brain.   He was transported by Cliff and Dell to OHSU's Neruoscience ICU.  They did more in depth MRIs and found a chestnut size tumor. 
Josh begged for me to come home.  I found a plane ticket, which his family is helping me pay for, and flew out at 7 in the morning from San Diego airport.
I spent all day wednesday in his bed with him.  He was so terrified he was going to die.  The doctors said he had a very nasty tumor deep in the center of his brain and if it wasn't removed he would die.  It was blocking the spinal fluid in his ventricles from draining.  Which in return caused the pressure he was feeling in his head.  He made me a video wiht my webcam.  It was very sweet.  We spent the night cuddling and crying together and talking about everything.
Early the next morning the nurse came in and said that the surgery was moved sooner because of an opening.  His mom called everyone beacue they all planned to come visit before the surgery.
We waited in the waiting room, 20+ of us, and waited. . . and waited.  We finally went in and asked what was going on because at 10 am they said they had started and it was going good and only a couple more hours.  Finally after 2 pm a surgeon came out and said the surgery went fine and they got all of the tumor.  He would be in recovery and then he could see people.
First his parents went in.  Then his aunts, and cousins, grand parents and brothers and everyone.  His aunt Rene said he didn't want to see anyone, but visits still went on.  . . . .  he never asked about me, but he was SOOO persistent on me coming all the way back from California to see him, which I was more than gladly to do.  But when you get out of surgery and don't even ask to see the "love of your life" it really broke my heart, i was the last to see him.
I feel bad now that I look back becasue I told him how I felt, his brain just was workeed on and I sat there and told him how much he hurt me, he can't comprehend all of that. . . .  But he just doesn't understand everything I went through to be there and he didn't care to see me.  I sat there crying and bawling because he just took all his rage out on me... and when I would cry he would say "you're being ridiculous"   !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! whaaaat ??????????????????????? 
My mom came and got me from OHSU to sleep in my bed so I would have a car the next day because they were all going out of town.  We saw josh and he was a lot calmer.
This morning when I got back I sat there and told him I loved him and all that lovey stuff, trying to be there for him.  He was very confused about everytghing.  He has a hard time remembering stuff




ill be back to write more. im going to try to see him.

you are so special.